Embracing the Darkness
by livinginsilence
Summary: A retelling of the bridge scene in The Force Awakens from Kylo's perspective. Please don't read if you haven't seen the movie as there are major spoilers for Star Wars: The Force Awakens. One-shot.
_*Contains spoilers for Star Wars: The Force Awakens_

 _*Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own the wonderful characters, and I also didn't come with the amazing dialogue by myself. That all belongs to Disney and Lucasfilm. But everything else is mine :)_

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I am Kylo Ren, the greatest Force user in the entire galaxy since Darth Vader. Darth Vader is my role model, the person who I look up to, who I strive to be like. But as much as I try to be like him, I am not as true to my path as he was.

Life has been hard since my master Supreme Leader Snoke realized that I still feel the pull to the light side, to my father Han Solo. The divide is excruciating. I desperately want to prove that I am truly devoted to the Dark Side, but at the same time, I can't help but almost want to return, to go back to how I was in my youth.

Of course, I must always remind myself that I am still young, still so inexperienced and so confused. I thought that I was powerful, that I was strong. But that girl, Rey, has made me question my abilities. How can I even hope to defeat the Resistance if I can't even overcome some weak scavenger girl? And to make matters worse, my father has come back into the picture. No matter how hard I try, I can't shake this feeling, the pull to the light.

A common habit of mine is to pace when I am frustrated. I immediately head towards the place where I know no one will stop me. This eerily quiet, dark area of Starkiller Base greets me again as I walk towards the long, narrow bridge that connects where I am now to the other side of the base. I am walking on the bridge, the dim light shining through the window onto me, when I hear it as stark and clear as day.

"Ben!" Slowly, I turn around. On the other side of the bridge stands Han Solo. Although I haven't seen him in a long time, I don't feel nostalgia, only anger.

"Han Solo. I've been waiting for this day for a long time." My coward of a father doesn't say anything. He just stares at me before slowly starting to walk toward me.

"Take off that mask. You don't need it," he finally barks.

"What do you think you'll see if I do?" I retort.

"The face of my son," he states.

I laugh inside. How can he think that I am still his son? After everything that has happened, doesn't he realize that our relationship is unfixable? I slowly pull off my mask, and I pause before I speak.

"Your son is gone. He was weak and foolish like his father, so I destroyed him."

"That's what Snoke wants you to believe, but it's not true. My son is alive."

"No," I am quick to respond. That is the one thing I am sure about. Ben Solo is dead. I continue, "The Supreme Leader is wise."

"Snoke is using you for your power. When he gets what he wants, he'll crush you." These are the words that stop me, that make me doubt myself. I can't help but wonder if my loyalty to Snoke is _wrong_ , if my decision to join him was as reckless as my father's to come here and confront me.

"You know it's true," he continues. Do I? But I know it doesn't matter. Snoke would kill me if I left, and anyways, I don't think that I want to leave.

"It's too late," I murmur.

"No, it's not. Leave here with me. Come home. We miss you," he replies.

I contemplate his words. Can I really still turn back to the light? Does my family still care about me? Not just Han but Leia? My mother was probably the only person from my past who truly believed in me. And then, the words spill out. I speak the thoughts that have been running through my head for days now.

"I'm being torn apart. I want to be _free_ of this pain," I pause. All at once, I feel the emotions. Frustration, confusion, dread. "I know what I have to do, but I don't know if I have the strength to do it. Will you help me?"

"Yes, anything," he replies with so much hope in his eyes. Once again, my father's compassion makes him weak and naïve. I let my mask fall to the ground. It falls with a dull thud, reverberating around us. With a click, I pull my lightsaber out of its holster and hold it out to my father. My hands shake as I offer the lightsaber to him. I notice that the light suddenly disappears, wrapping the two of us in darkness. Han stares at me with wide eyes before grabbing onto the lightsaber, his fingers brushing mine.

It is in this position that we stay, father and son together again, as I struggle to make my decision. I could give in to him and go back to my family and my friends. I could begin the long journey back, back to my original path. But I have already come so far. I have already drawn my own path. In this moment, I know what I have to do.

In a split second, I ignite the blade. It runs right through my father, sizzling and crackling. He gasps as my lightsaber goes through him. I can feel my heart beat faster, my breaths coming heavily and more frequently. And now, once again, we stand here together, only this time, I know that we will never be together again.

For a second, I think I was truly good, truly part of the light. But it has been my greatest wish to follow the path of the dark side, and I know that my father has just helped me complete that journey. He helped me come to terms with who I am and helped me quell the divide that previously split me.

"Thank you Father," I whisper before pulling the blade out of him. I stare at the look of shock on his face, his eyes wide and mouth hanging open. His hand softly grazes my cheek before he falls off the bridge. Down, down, down, my father disappears from view, enveloped by the clouds beneath us.

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 _And that's the first fanfic I've ever written! Hopefully there weren't too many spelling and grammar mistakes. It was actually an English assignment, and I figured I ought to publish stories since I read so many of them. Remember to review, and feedback is always welcome._


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